Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize