i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
