____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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