he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
