I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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