standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
