I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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