i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
