This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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