I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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