goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
