I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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