have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
