Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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