i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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