We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
