i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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