i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
