i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
