My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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