why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
