I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
