Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
