You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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