I am in a vortex of obligation.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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