My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
