Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
