I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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