I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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