The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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