So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
