please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
