Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Non-Jews are for practice
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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