Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
