life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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