SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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