I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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