I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
