all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is my gift to your gina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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