went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
