He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize