Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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