She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
