He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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