Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
