I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
