I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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