dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize