eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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