i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
