I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
