I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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