Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize