So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
