I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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