he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
