I'm pants shitting drunk right now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
