I wish I could punch you in the face.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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