the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
