wanna go halves on a baby?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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