My sheets look like a crime scene.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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