I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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