I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
