remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
