Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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