Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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