Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I AM VODKA MAN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize