Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
