Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
