Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
