i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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