I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
