so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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