I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
