i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
