So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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