My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
